Dr. Tian Dayton has written a wonderful book about this very problem. Children raised in dysfunctional homes who learned maladaptive relationship patterns and skills that end up causing all kinds of problems in adulthood. Her writing is clear and engaging and she uses lots of case examples to bring things to life. She discusses the neurobiology of trauma and how it re-shapes the brain, the ways in which kids from these families try to cope such as substances or other addictions including sex and over-eating and finally how to heal from this devastating family pattern.
If you come from a dysfunctional family I strongly recommend checking out this book. Another great resource is the website adultchildren.org. There is a listing of traits that are common to kids from dysfunctional homes called "the Laundry List" that I really recommend checking out. If you see yourself in those traits you may consider checking out an ACA meeting, which can be found in almost all parts of the country and even in smaller towns.
Whichever way to approach healing, whether it's reading books, going to 12-step meetings or finding a good therapist, I encourage you to keep trying. People can and do change and often in ways so dramatic that it surprises me even though I have been doing this for 20 years. No one is beyond hope for a better future.
Wishing you health and happiness,